Fear

Years ago an anonymous person (anonymous to me) gave me a poem/prayer that really seemed to touch on just what I was feeling. I have saved the slip of paper on which it's written and every few years I come across it again and realize that it is still applicable in my life. I figured since it has affected me so much that I should share it with others.

I feel it coming again: fear, crawling under my skin.
That quite unspoken, never-admitted feeling...
That haunting, ever nagging, turn-your-back-and-run panic...
Fear: not of spiders or big dogs or the pull of the ocean,
But fear of my ability, people's reaction, the future, mistakes.
O Lord, help me to face my fears and turn them around.
By my anchor; stand by me until I-
Stop fearing I might lose in love...
But fear instead that I might never love at all.
Stop fearing there are others better than me...
But fear instead that I will never discover my true potential.
Stop fearing I might not meet others' expectations...
But fear instead that I might never know yours.
Stop fearing what lies ahead tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...
But fear instead that I might never experience life's drama today.
Stop fearing hurt and sorrow and tears...
But fear instead that I will never know the pains of growth.
Stop fearing I might fail...
But fear instead that I might never try.
Stop fearing others will laugh at me...
But fear instead that I might never learn to laugh at myself.
O Lord, help me to anchor my life on your hope
Instead of my fear.
O Lord, I know an adventurous life can never be fear-free..
But at least help my fears to be my soul's signal for rallying.
Instead of running.

Lessons in Waiting

I have never been a patient person. Not that I hate waiting, I just hate waiting for things that seem unnecessary. It may be due to the fact that I was raised in a family where you don't arrive on time, you arrive at least five minutes before that. Church starts at 9:30, we were there at 9, school starts at 7:45 we arrive every morning at 7:30. It was a good lesson overall. I was never late for a class, always showed up for an interview early, and unless it was out of my control always made it to work on time. The only problem with this is that I have become intolerant of other peoples' lateness. Occasionally, there is an exception or excuse that I find makes sense, there was a 10 car pile up (not just normal traffic) or the person slipped and fell in the mud and needed to change their clothes really quick before coming but other than those I don't really understand. My general thought has always been that if I have made it on time why can't you.

Burkina, as I have learned, loves testing my limits, and timeliness or lack there of is no exception. Burkina verses the fast-paced US is a slow country culturally, but it's not the cultural slows that get under my skin. I can't sit for hours waiting for a shot of tea with friends. But then there are those times...

-A bush taxi is scheduled to leave at 9:30 in the morning, and has been sitting in waiting since 7am. At 9:25 they decide that they need to work on the car a bit. At 10am they realize that it might be a good idea to start loading the baggage. On a good day they start loading people around 10:30, everyone piles in, but then the driver decides that he wants to go home and eat first.

-You are told that it is important to be ready early and are asked if 5:30am is okay, since obviously the early morning time will be harder on you than everyone else. You say sure you can make it work. You get up early, are dressed and packed by 5:25, and then 5:30 rolls around, and then 5:45 and then 6:00. The others show up without even trying to offer an excuse as to why you had to wake up so early.

-You get to a restaurant and search out the chef and place your order. You then sit down and wait for the drink server to come by, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes... Finally after a lot of searching and asking a girl walks up. When you mention that you have been waiting for 30 minutes you are told that she went inside to take a shower. Another 30 minutes later your food shows up. And no, your spaghetti is meatless, so even the excuse of needing to go kill a cow first is out.

From the title of this blog you probably thought on how I was going to write on how Burkina has made me a more patient person, but that's not the lessons I've learned. These are the real lessons:

1.Just because you have something to do today does not mean that anyone else does.

2.Bring 2 books, an iPod and a pad of sudoku games everywhere you go. One book isn't always going to cut it.

3.Not everyone was raised by parents who value timeliness and the need to not have others wait for you. :o)

Journal Disclaimer

I wrote the following today in my journal that I am finally starting to write. Although this applies to my journal and NOT this blog I thought I'd share it with you anyway.

Disclaimer:
I have an issue with writing a journal. In general, I feel more like writing when something bad is happening, when I am in an emotional state or in a dilemma of some sort, but it is also at these times that I feel the need to be more private. The thoughts go through my head: "What if someone reads my journal? Today? Next Year? In 10 years? After I am dead?" So do I tell the truth, pour out my heart without thought, or do I censor my thoughts and emotions before putting them down, and if I do that is there any real use or any real cathartic release in keeping a journal. I guess the truth is best, whatever the outcome?

I, therefore, do NOT pledge to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth in the pages to follow, but I will try to be self-censored free or at least minimize it as much as I can.

In all fairness, if you are not me and are reading this, please make sure you my permission or that I am dead. (Even if I am dead think twice about if you really want to read this or not, I may not be the person you hoped or thought I was)

If you are still reading without permission and I am still living, I hope many unfortunate and unspeakable things befall you. (See, I am not really all that nice)

**Remember this applies to my journal NOT my blog so please feel free to keep checking back on the blog.**

Moto Lessons

This sojourn in Burkina is a bit different from my last. I am living in a city, Fada N'Gourma, not a village. My house this time is equipped with electricity and running water (sure beats pumping and carrying water and using a latrine). And this time around I have said good-bye to the bike and hello to a moto.


Along with the moto has come many lessons...luckily I have learned most of these the easy way.

1. Even though a moto looks pretty it does not mean it's a good moto.
2. Front is to shift up, back is to down-shift. It is not a good idea to mix these up.
3. Whatever is smaller than you SHOULD move out of the way.
4. Even on your moto a cow is still bigger than you.
5. Toads who don't obey lesson 3 make a gratifyingly squishy sound when you run over them.
6. Rocks don't obey lesson 3 and they don't make a squishy sound when you run over them.
7. Mud and motos don't mix well together
8. Sand and motos don't like to be in the same place at the same time.
9. When riding remember that unlike a car your face is the windsheild and that is where bugs will hit.
10. Wearing a helmet helps protect against those bugs and a few other things.
11. Just because every other moto in the country has a reserve gas tank does not mean that yours does.
12. Some places mix petrol (lamp gas) with their car/moto gas. This will kill your moto.
13. When smoke starts coming from your moto you should go see a mechanic.
14. When smoke starts coming from your moto the next day you should change your mechanic.
15. Motos make life a lot nicer than bikes do in 100 degree weather.

That's what I have learned so far, but I am sure there is more to come.

The first month

Dear Friends and Family,

I apologize that I have been here almost a month and a half and haven't updated my blog.

Coming back to Burkina and Fada has been a good experience so far. I spent my first few days in Ouaga and then moved to Fada in order to dive into work. Found a house my first day in Fada and was really happy that I was going to have electricity this time around. Due to a few different things (mostly sharing a latrine with lots of little kids) I found a new house a few weeks later where I now not only have electricity but running water with a toilet and a shower. The move has made adjusting and feeling at home a lot easier.

Work is going really well and the harvest is well underway. We'll probably start buying within the next and then my job will be non-stop. In the meantime I have been doing a lot of asking questions, organizing, meeting contacts and find more sesame producers. It's taking being more social than I normally am but it is probably a good thing.

(For those of you who don't know what I am doing in Burkina here is a quick explanation: I am the Regional Coordinator of the Eastern Region of Burkina Faso for a company called Expandia International Traders that was started by some of my ex-Peace Corps friends. Currently the company is solely exporting sesame but will be branching out into cashews and dried mangoes in the near future. My job is to cover the whole eastern quarter of the country, working with associations and groups of farmers that are growing sesame. This varies from working along side well organized associations to program how and when we are buying, to working with smaller groups who are asking for advice on how to better grow their sesame.)

I am finding the job frustrating at times but also very interesting and educational. Instead of just showing up at the end of the harvest Expandia has decided to be with the farmers from the start and gave out seed on credit and has been working hand in hand with groups to see how things can be done better. Although I am working for a commercial business and not an NGO/save Africa program I believe we can actual make a difference in the lives of a lot of people on the very simple level of giving them a market to sell what they have produced.

Outside of work I have been adjusting fairly well. I did get pretty sick for a week or two but am doing fine now. I have been reconnecting with a lot of old friends and making a lot of new ones. I also just went and visited my old village and it was really great to see everyone and slip back into their lives a little. On a side note for those of you who helped out with donations for the library at the school in Bilamperga, I am very pleased to say that the library is still in use and that a few books have been added since my departure. If any of you still are interested in the library please let me know.

One more project that I am starting to get involved in and am very excited is a home for 10 jr. high and high school girls that will allow them to continue with their education. This project was started by former PC volunteer Tracey and our mutual friend Hassan. Once I got here both Tracey and Hassan asked if I would be willing to be involved in the project and also be an additional go between for Tracey and Hassan. The project started out well and the house is mostly complete but due to lack of funding for the moment the project was not able to start housing girls this year. It is our hope that we'll be able to raise enough money to get this up and running soon. Once the house is complete the 10 girls selected will be able to come live there along with a few women to run the house and be guardians for the girls, and at that point we will also be able to get some government and NGO funding to keep everything running. So far I have mostly been an observer with the project but hope to be more involved as time permits. (Sorry this is getting long, if you are interested in this and want to know more just let me know)

So, that has been most of my life for the past few weeks. Oh wait am I missing something, ah the boyfriend update. Yes, I am still dating Tankoano Soantieba Didier (Di) and things are going well. We have both decided to take everything very slow upon my return (no rings or wedding bells for those of you who thought that was why I was coming back). Whenever we get to see each we hang out and talk about life and all that good stuff and are enjoying each others company. Due to our jobs we only get to see each other for a day or two every month, which seems like a long time but after a year apart it's not that bad.

Okay, time to wrap this up. Thank you to all of you for your well wishes and I will try to remember to keep you all updated on life here.

Krista

(Sorry no pictures due to camera issues. :o( )

My address:
Krista Kay
s/c Expandia International Traders
09 BP 1415 Ouagadougou 09
Burkina Faso, West Africa

Most of the way there

The last week has been pretty crazy. I finished up my job at Equity, moved out of my apartment and to my parents for the weekend, and then on Monday night hopped on a plane to NYC that would be the first leg of my long trip back to Burkina. I made it to NYC without any problems...just with out much sleep. Was very happy to discover that JFK does have luggage storage and grabbed the A-train into the city. Spent a great day with Oreila and a bit of time with Brooks too. Made it back to the airport and onto my flight to Casablanca, which is where I am currently sitting while waiting another 8 or so hours until my flight to Burkina.

Sorry to any of you who I was not able to talk to before I left. I will hopefully be updating this blog on a regular basis once I get settled.

Step 1: Buy Ticket

Sounds easy, right? Go online, search flights, select flight, purchase flight, and you're done. Well, not so much.

For starters since I am flying to Ouagadougou via Royal Air Morroc getting my ticket online was not a option. No biggie, I'll call. Ring-ring. Press 1 for English. And then low and behold someone whose first language is not English picks up the phone. Oh well, we'll get through this. Pick the flight, give the credit card number and my vitals and then right as I am starting to say "Thank you" I get the email confirmation. Oh no. My name is now Kay/Crista Lee. I tell the nice man on the phone that he spelled my name wrong and his response is that I told him to spell it that way, this is what came to pass:

"My name is spelled with a K, as in kite"
"Right, K as in charlie"
"No, not C, K like in kite, not charlie"
"Ok, so it is K-C-R-I.."
"No, just K, no C"
"Right, K as in charlie"
"No, K as in kite, same as my last name. Both are spelled with K not C"
"Mame, you are being very difficult"

Low and behold ten minutes later I had a ticket in the name of Kay/Krista Lee. Yea!
End of story....

Not so much.
Day 2. The next morning I open my email to find a nice message saying that me card had been declined. Call the bank. Find out they but a hold on my account because it was a large amount. They didn't think it was necessary to let me know they put a hold on my account, but at least after going through and verifying my last 20 transactions they lifted the hold. Hang up. call airlines. Press 1 for English. Tell them to run the card again and we'll be good. Before I hang up I am informed I will receive an email in the next 30 minutes confirming everything went through. Wait 30 minutes, no email. 1 hour, no email. 2 hours, no email. Decide to check my bank account online. And guess what, the are 2, yes 2 not 1, charges listed as pending in my account and yes when this goes through my account will be in the hole by over $500. Time to start worrying. Call the airlines, press 1, all representatives are currently busy, and after 5 minutes the line goes dead. Call the airlines again, press 1, all representatives are currently busy, 5 minutes, and dead. Wait an hour. Call the airlines, same thing. Another hour, call the airlines, and wait I finally get through. Unfortunately the very nice lady on the phone proved she really didn't know too much when she got to the point of agreeing with me that yes Royal Air Morroc would pay all my bank overdraft fees. I hung up.

Day 3. Decide to call the bank and tell them to only let one of the charges go through. So I open my online account to get the phone number, and am shocked to see that both of the charges have disappeared. Yea, no overdraft fee, but wait, do I still have a ticket? Check online with the the airlines and yes there's my ticket number and my seat reservations. So free ticket? Do I call the airlines? Do I call the bank? Decide to wait.

Day 4. Check my bank account. My ticket has been charged and has gone through. Well, no free ticket but at least it's all taken care. On to Burkina.

Lesson learned: Just because you press 1 for English, it doesn't mean the person on the other line actually speaks it.